Twin Peaks S02 E16: The Condemned Woman

If I’d known that the game of chess was so freaking deadly, I would have played it sooner. The battle is on between our little boy scout Cooper and Windom Earle. On the last episode of “Twin Peaks,” the plaster cast of Caroline Earle and a recording confirms the evilness of Cooper’s adversary. Make your move Coop or someone else will die.

Knight Takes Bishop

How is Cooper supposed to outsmart the chess king? Hopefully Pete is just as good at chess 101 as he is at making smiley face breakfast for his not so dead brother-in-law. I am surprised that Pete is keeping mum about Andrew’s rise from the grave. I do love how Andrew and Peter both enjoy aggravating Queen Catherine. I’m starting to believe that Pete’s dumb act is a ruse and that he is really a smart cookie who gets the last laugh in the end.

Josie on the other hand, doesn’t have the stomach for the returning dead. She faints when she sees Andrew alive and eating breakfast. Catherine is enjoying Josie’s shock, but Andrew is the least of Josie’s problems. She has Albert sniffing up evidence and poor Harry stressing over her connection to Cousin Jonathan. I think he knows in his heart that Josie killed Jonathan.

Albert is looking to haul Josie’s little behind to jail. He has proof that the bullet found in Jonathan’s skull matches the bullet that shot Cooper. When Cooper hesitates, hoping that Josie will turn herself in, Albert comes out with the best sarcastic reply, ever. “Maybe she’ll grow wings and join the circus.” I freaking love Albert.

Hank hobbles in on crutches and tries to make a deal with Harry; information on who really killed Andrew Packard. Hank spits out Josie’s name and Hawk, bless his heart, kicks the crutches from under Hank, sending him to the ground. Hank is a jerk and a lousy shot. The three people he was hired to kill: Andrew, Catherine and Leo, are still alive. Kick him again, Hawk!

Audrey

Audrey is learning that running a business is not all fun and games. She now has taken on the role of concierge at the Great Northern. Her first customer is a handsome, but cocky cutie pie named John Justice Wheeler (Billy Zane). He wants someone to pick up his luggage from the airport. Then he mentions that he remembers her from a school play. It must have been a memorable performance because Audrey was only ten years old at the time. After cutie pie leaves, Audrey opens the letter from Windom. There will be a gathering of angels at the Road House.

Weenie File

Nadine comes home from school early to tell Ed that she’d rather go steady with Mike. It didn’t take long for Ed to boogie over to Norma with the good news, or for Norma to spread the joy to Hank. She wants a divorce. If he refuses, Norma can always sic Nadine on Hank again. Enough already with Nadine! Why isn’t anyone evaluating her mental status or better yet, shouldn’t Mike’s parents be obtaining a restraining order against this cougar?

Donna and James have a farewell picnic, blah, blah, blah. He needs time. She’ll wait. I could care less. Really, I could care less.

Pine Weasel

Ben is back to normal. Cutie Pie is now on Ben’s board of directors along with Audrey, Uncle Jerry and Bobby and, they’re all trying to understanding what pine weasels have to do with the hotel’s future. But Ben has decided that being an environmentalist will stop Catherine from building on Ghostwood Estates. If Ben succeeds, he’ll run for the senate. He’ll fit in nicely with the other losers in Congress. Cutie pie seems hot for Audrey, but she reminds him that she is only eighteen. I don’t think that’s a problem for John Justice Wheeler. He doesn’t seem to have Cooper’s high standards.

Josie

Except for Harry and Pete, not too many people liked Josie (Joan Chen) and, Josie’s constantly playing the martyr did nothing to endear her to the viewers. Catherine sets the trap for tonight’s episode by leaving a gun in plain sight. Andrew sets the bait by telling Thomas that Josie tipped him off about the assassination. The only one concerned for her safety is Harry and Cooper, but they might be too late.

Conclusion

The only winner in tonight’s episode is the pine weasel. With Ben at the help of this ark, all furry creatures are safe from the bulldozer. Donna, Shelly and Audrey are at the Road House for the “gathering of angels” meeting. Their invitations are a clue, a badly written poem and, all the while, they are being watched by a master chess player. Let’s hope Pete can teach Cooper how to play chess because our angels’ lives depend on it.

We finally find out why Josie shot Cooper. She was afraid of him. Josie knew that it wouldn’t be long before he’d start digging into her past. When you really think about this, it hits you that Josie was never a victim. She was cold-hearted enough to shoot our favorite federal agent and, she was peachy fine shooting Jonathan in the head. After shooting Thomas, she points her gun at Cooper and Harry, then she drops dead. Just like that. Who the hell dies like that?

While Harry holds the dead woman in his arms, our favorite monster makes a guest appearance. I didn’t expect to be happy when Cooper had his vision, but hell yeah, I was. Since Leland’s death, the spirit of “Twin Peaks” sagged in the middle like a deflated balloon. Windom Earle’s devious abuse of Leo and his clever ruse of chess moves and angel invitations to destroy Cooper helped to blow some life into the party balloons, but there is only one monster that can scare the frosting off a cake. Welcome back, Frank Silva! You are a sight for weenie weary eyes.

BOB (Frank Silva) makes his entrance with a taunt, “Coop! What happened to Josie?” Cooper is left speechless as the Little Man from Another Place does his dance moves on the bed. As the vision fades and Harry holds his dead lover in his arms, there is a sudden chill in the air.

We see Josie’s soul crying out for help. She is trapped inside the wooden drawer handle. The show is back on track, and hopefully, I can put the Weenie File to rest. Welcome Back, Twin Peaks.